I’ll admit, I don’t usually mix up my cleansing routine. Most days I’m loyal to the facecloth + cleanser combo (safe, reliable, but a little vanilla). But a couple times a week, I throw in a tool for that villa twist - gotta keep the pores on their toes, yeah?
For ages, I was wholeheartedly devoted to my Clarisonic. We were so coupling - we had a thing. But let’s be honest: it’s been high-maintenance, it keeps ghosting me (RIP to the fourth one that just broke) and for something I only use twice a week, there really shouldn’t be this much drama!
When my latest one bit the dust, I realized I was tired of something that works like Ariana does as a host - shows up for a few minutes in a great outfit, causes a little chaos and then disappears without explanation. I needed a dependable new bombshell who looks good and relentlessly does their job of seducing/cleaning my face. So I went on the hunt for a rebound: something more reliable, more vibey, less likely to spontaneously die mid-cleanse.
Here’s what I found - ranked by how well they understood the assignment, let's go up to Soul Ties and discuss:
The No-Nonsense Grafter
She’s affordable, dependable, and doesn’t need constant attention - basically Austin in brush form. This little babe (shoutout Amaya!) delivers 300 sonic oscillations per second (faster than some Islanders switch couples), three speed settings and even shuts off after 60 seconds - just enough time to get in, get clean, and not overdo it.
Specs:
- Waterproof
Rechargeable with charging base (no batteries? It’s giving eco.)
- Clinically proven to reduce redness, shrink pores by 30%, and make skin glowier
- Removes 98% of environmental toxins—because city skin needs a detox too.
Available at conaircanada.ca.
The Fancy One Who Does Pilates
She’s sleek, she’s silicone, she vibrates at 7,000 times per minute (don’t get cheeky) and she’s all about lifting, toning and being extra extra. If Conair is your steady relationship, PMD Clean is the fit, mysterious bombshell who turns every head at the fire pit.
Comes with four customizable modes, a built-in anti-aging massage feature and bristles so soft they could sweet-talk Hannah (not that that’s hard…).
Perks:
- Ultra-hygienic + waterproof silicone
- Boosts elasticity like it’s on collagen crack
- Reduces fine lines while cleansing deep - a multitasking queen!
- Suitable for all skin types
Available at Shoppers Drug Mart in a very cute Blush with rose gold finish, or online at beauty.shoppersdrugmart.ca.
(Yes, it’s also on the PMD site in other colours—but why bother? Converting USD is the real villain here.)
The AI-Loving Pocket Rocket
She’s tiny (like Ace, but not an asshole) and mighty. With AI-powered skin scanning and a full skincare game plan via app, this is basically the Huda (feed that girl a proper pancake!) of cleansing tools - dramatic, tech-savvy, maybe a little unhinged, but ultimately very helpful.
Features:
- SmartSonic pulsations for deep cleansing
- Eye-nose area precision (say bye to congestion in awkward corners)
- Youthful Glow massage to fake 8 hours of sleep
- Ultra-hygienic and great for textured, oily, or stressed-out skin
- Comes in aquamarine, pink, and black
Available online at beauty.shoppersdrugmart.ca and amazon.ca.
💞 Final Recoupling Thoughts:
If you’re done with the drama of overpriced, high-maintenance skincare gadgets that abandon you when you need them most (yes, I'm looking at you Jeremiah), it’s time to pick a cleansing tool fit for your villa. Whether you want a no-fuss grafter, a bougie anti-aging boss babe or a tech-savvy glow-getter, choose your island vibe - and let your skin find its perfect coupling.
Your skin? It’s definitely getting a text!
- Lisamarie -
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