The Mystery of The Penis Sweater Thickens

After I sent an email to Agent Provocateur asking how the Sharon cardigan was selling, here is the answer I received:

Dear Christelle,

Thank you for your e-mail.
Unfortunately, we are unable to provide you with this information. Please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this has caused you.

If you have any further queries please do not hesitate to contact me.

Kind Regards
Malika
Customer Services

Well yes, she'd better apologize because I am extremely inconvenienced. My eyes are still burning and my mind is still boggled by the sheer ugliness of that cardigan.  I'm scared of going out and see that cardigan somewhere. It caused me mental anguish and I shall ask for damages one day.

Of course they can't tell me how many units have been sold. The number must be pathetically low, it was obviously a PR stunt. You can't fool us!

-Christelle-

Agent Provocateur Needs New PR Gimmicks - FAST

This is NOT a joke. You're not on some X-rated acid trip. It's real. You're seeing penises everywhere, because... they are everywhere! 

Ladies, brace yourself for the new "Sharon" sweater by Agent Provocateur. Apparently, "fashionable and sexy" = penises for this UK brand. 

I can imagine the designer's genius at work here: 

"Let's do something that has never been done before! What's on my mind? Think, think, Rudolph hum....how about.... a cardigan, made with the softest cotton and silk cashmere mix?... It's sexy, you want to touch it and stroke it..." 

Blank faces in the meeting room. And then our designer passes a major brain fart :

"What else do I want to stroke, right now?...How about giant male genitals?!"

"But it's has already been done, Rudolph."

"Not for $500! At that price, it's provocateur, darling! Completely Provocateur. Let's do this! A beautiful, classic cardigan with penises all over. It's very festive, and that's what women want, right?".

Nobody told our poor AP designer: this sweater is not just tasteless and ugly, it's also outrageously expensive. He must have missed the Recession memo. I have emailed Agent Provocateur to see if they could tell us how many Sharon sweaters have been sold. I will keep you updated.

I really fail to see the purpose of this sweater, you're not going to pull Mr. Right in this outfit and if you're not after Mr. Right, you don't need to spend $500 on this "design" to get laid.

-Christelle-