November 10, 2009

Don't Cry for Me, Rihanna!

Rihanna, I don't want you to cry. I want you to be happy. I rooted for you when you dumped that boyfriend douchebag of yours. But wearing this dress not only makes you cry, it makes ME cry, too.  Someone spilled recycled paper from the photocopy room on a white canvas and called it a dress.

Rihanna wore this oddly shaped creation yesterday at the Glamour Awards in New York. The dress is too tight, yet it doesn't show off her figure. It makes Christelle really sad. And you don't want Christelle to be sad, because she's slightly psychotic and could write about this horrendous design  every day, on this blog, for the next ten years.

My dear readers, please remember, if you need a "dress" like this, I would be more than happy to create one for you for a very reasonable one million dollars price tag. For that price, I could certainly come up with something even more unique, like a paper dress with live chickens and Lady Gaga's hair attached to it, or a dress beautifully colored by hand with my magic Crayolas.

Serena Williams was also at the Glamour Awards show. I'm not going to say anything bad about her because frankly, I may be psychotic but I'm not suicidal. She could kill me with her arms thoughts.

Kerry Washington, however, is a skinny minnie so I can make fun of her granny sack as much as I want. I'm not scared! That dress looks like it's made out of an old, dirty curtain, the type you would find in a boys dorm room (Lisamarie told me all about it) mixed with grandma lace. Shapeless and unflattering. What is the point of exercising and having a kick ass body if you're going to wear this sort of thing?


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